Schoolin

You don't have to be in school—or even employed, for that matter—to learn things. For example, within the last 48 hours I have learned the following:

1. Salad dressing is not a proper substitute for marinara sauce.

2. St. Elmo's Fire is an electrical weather phenomenon in which the ionization of air molecules during a thunderstorm causes a faint blue or violet glow to materialize around tall, sharply pointed objects—most notably ships' masts. That, and an 80's movie starring Emilio Estevez.

3. Eating an entire box of cookies my self does not make me feel bad at all.

4. Despite being aware of learned thing #1, I will continue to do learned thing #1.

5. It's harder to run 3 miles at 7 am than 7 pm.

6. The attractiveness of a man plummets the instant you notice the kanji tattoo on his ankle surrounded by flames.

7. There is no such thing as "one quick nightcap at the Slammer"